A parody of the intro to the 1975 C. W. McCall song, “Convoy”, “A Con-Ver-Space-Shun” is a conversation between two space truckers talking about the way outer space has changed over their days of being space travelers.
Lyrics
Starbird:
Breaker one-nine, this is Starbird, anyone out there got their ears on?
Moonrocker:
This is Moonrocker, go ahead Starbird.
Starbird:
Moonrocker? Is that really you? Long time, man.
Moonrocker:
Yeah man, long time. What can I do ya for?
Starbird:
Well, my bird just got dinged by one of those off orbit luxury cars that billionaire keeps launchin’ into space for no reason and now I hear a flutter in my main correlator. You know of a good grease monkey way out here in sector ten-seventeen? (use WAUSHWA sound effect for the Flutter in the correlator on the recording)
Moonrocker:
Man, don’t even get me started man. I nearly crashed right into one of those abandoned floating terra cotta casino slash rest stops when I was coming out of hyperspace last Tuesday afternoon. I coulda been killed!
Starbird:
Terra firma.
Moonrocker:
Huh? Comeback.
Starbird:
You mean terra firma casino slash rest stops. Terra cotta is a type of pot.
Moonrocker:
Whatever man. Man, I remember when space was just that. Space. There were no restaurants, or hotels, or abandoned casino slash rest stops or any of the shit that comes with that up here. There was just the stars and the planets and light years of open space. It was a place where a man could really get some thinking done. But now. Forget about it. It’s all a big mess up here. Hell, it’s almost as bad up here as it is down on earth.
In fact, it’s got me so bad that I finally broke down and scored myself some of that interstellar tar last week to see if it would help me feel better. Which it didn’t. And now I feel worse than ever.
Starbird:
Is that it? Awe, you’ll be alright man. Sounds like you just got yourself a case of the space junk blues.
Moonrocker:
The Space Junk Blues?
Starbird:
Yeah, man. The Space Junk Blues. It seems almost everyone up here these days has a case of the Space Junk Blues. It’s nothin’ to worry about. Better days are soon to come.
Moonrocker:
Ya think so?
Starbird:
Yeah, man. You know, there’s an old saying up here in these parts. There ain’t no use in cryin’ over a case of the space junk blues.